Birthday Revelations
Reciprocity Is Becoming a Core Value for Me
The celebration of a birthday should include the mourning of who we’ve had to become in order to embrace a newly grown person. I have a new birth day this weekend and gone are the days of panic attacks and trips to the doctor’s out of fear of potential heart attacks.
I dreaded my birthday and now I’ve unlocked a new sadness with age…intentional invisibility. I like to acknowledge birthdays and it feels like projection because I also like to be recognized when it’s my own.
I go out of my way to make others feel seen, often to the detriment of being ignored. My word for 2025 is reciprocity and this has been the the season of forgiving myself for return the attention to detail that I have for them. The awakening comes with realizing how much I’ve given to people who never intended to return the affection in-kind. And no, I don’t believe in doing without expectation of reciprocity.
It sounds great in theory until you’ve spent all of your emotional currency and have no account upon which to withdraw from.
Life is about exchanging energy, and money is only one frequency that we participate in. The other is connection so when the bridge that tethers us together is only kept up by own efforts, I can’t be surprised or upset when it crumbles without me putting in all the work. I was never good at relationships but I am good at acknowledging people when they think no one is looking. It was unrealistic and foolish of me to expect the same.
Birthdays used to teach me about the ways I’m not living up to my potential, but this year it’s teaching me about how I need to disengage from the connections that don’t consider me at all. Giving notice at my job showed me who benefited from me accommodating them at the expense of my well-being. I got to see who reaped the benefits of my shitty boundaries.
I can’t talk about reinvention without recognizing the small ways we need to die in order to be reborn.
The metamorphosis stage that comes with closing one chapter and starting a new one. The phoenix rising from the ashes of sadness into the fire of passion because one cannot fully actualize their potential without shedding the ways they sabotage.
We recognize birthdays as milestones and, for some, they also serve as a coming of age moment. Birthdays serve as a catalyst. It’s not about celebrating a new year. It’s about who’s grateful that you are here to honor the world with your presence for another 12 months.
Who is grateful for having you in their lives?
Words are only as impact as the value you give them. Anyone can say happy birthday. Not anyone can say it with the pride that comes from having an established relationship with you. Not everyone will mean it too. My lesson this year is to honor people where they’re at.
I cannot hold others to an expectation they don’t have for themselves.
I just need to remember to leave them where they are so that I can better distribute my whole self to people willing to do the same.
My word for 2025 is reciprocity after all…