I Won't Hesitate to Use Brujeria

Because When You Have a Spiritual Team - Why Not Get Support

Photo by Deniz Rona on Unsplash

I was frantic looking for white tea lights tonight, only to find out I have no honey at home.

If there’s one thing that having an emotional breakdown will do to you is make you hyper vigilante about having another one. I’ll be damned if I go through that again.

Life is too chaotic to expect that non-traditional methods are without merit. I know too much, have seen too much, and have too much in my lineage to act otherwise. So much of assimilating into modern norms means sacrificing a heritage for the sake of acceptance but if we have to dismiss our authenticity, is the price for social acceptance worth it?

I hide my brujeria roots.

I call them vibes.

I ignore my intuition and instead believe that I am a bad judge of character.

I pretend I don’t hear or see my peeps and instead choose a life of disassociation and denial.

But when I need confirmation, I return back to them. When I need something, I ask. And I wish that was a pattern I could break because it sets the tone for how I build relationships with the living - transactional and inconsistently present.

If the last job with young adults healed my maternal wounds, then this new job is triggering my fight or flight. I run around for most of the day in an emotional state of mania, doped up on caffeine and chaos. If work is a drug, I’ve relapsed for a hit of professional validation.

I feel a sense of purpose even though it’s exhausting on all fronts.

I crave connection even when it drains all of my social battery.

I desire financial stability even at the expense of my core desires of freedom.

Like with all other opportunities, I hide behind my work in the hopes of staying invisible with a visible position. The illusion of busy masks an insecurity and allows me to feel constantly inadequate.

Because if I drop the ball, that means I am not perfect and perfection is the unrealistic goal that keeps me going.

So if I need Brujeria to keep myself from falling into a dark hole again, I won’t hesitate to ask for spiritual guidance as I try to navigate this life that is full of disappointment from all of my unrealized potential.