It’s post eclipse and I’m still riding a wave of mental dysfunction. It feels like a fog of smoke in my brain, clouding my good judgement and testing how much I’ve emotionally matured. Therapy has helped me with regulating my response.
I could be a lot bitchier and I hope people are grateful for the evolved version of me.
This weekend I am reflecting on life choices. If all goes through as plan, I will have an almost perfect GPA for grad school, likely making me eligible for honor societies. For someone who barely finished undergrad with a 2.3, this feels like a tremendous milestone. I recognize how far I’ve come even though it feels like I do it kicking and screaming along the way…kinda like my students. Maybe that’s why I resonate so much with them.
Success feels elusive in a world that never expected you to thrive.
I’m hearing a chatter in my mind, heart, and spirit that is planting a seed of authorship. I’ve never felt the pull to write a book as much as I do now. I’m done with the workbooks, guides, and planners. I want to write a “book book.” Something with substance and potential for mass appeal. I’ve been a storyteller for so long and now I am ready for the next iteration of my brand as an author.
It’s time.
The Nuance of Reinvention is the name of this Substack and could also be fitting for my book. Writing this with no expectation of converting clients frees up my creative flow in a way that can only come without having an ulterior motive. I’m not writing to get clients. I’m not writing to convert leads for an online course.
I’m writing to serve as an example for those who want to purge their demons without compromising the integrity of their soul. In many ways I feel past my prime and I have reconciled how I feel about that. I am, in fact, getting older and age doesn’t have to come with an expiration date. I know none of us are getting out of this alive. I simply want to transition from living to being alive, or vice versa - depending on how you see it.
I want the quality of my existence to have substance.
I also recognize that in order to build a vision, I have to be patience with laying the foundation first. One day, I will turn around and see the house I want to call home and when that day comes, I want to be ready to sustain it without the anxiety of feeling like it’ll fall apart.
If that means reinventing myself a thousand times, so be it. I want to break free from my own mental prison and writing about how I escaped my own emotional hell feels like a book that could resonate with others.