Speaking Into The Void
Maybe Someone Will Read This...Or Maybe Not.
When I first started this Substack journey, it was to practice my writing. I wanted to feel liberated enough to write without judgement. I wanted to create without exploiting my own healing process.
But I am hardwired for entrepreneurship.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a hustler at heart and if even that is a trauma response in and of itself. But I wanted to flex my storytelling muscle in a way that was not tethered to some kind of monetization strategy.
And for a while, it worked. I was writing about addiction and I was getting comfortable with sharing about my emotional and mental challenges. And then once I opened up the Substack, I felt my voice shrinking.
What if my family read it?
What if someone took a screenshot to share it on social?
What if my sacred space for writing was no longer sacred?
So I did what I always default to doing…I figured out how to integrate this into my business model. I tinkered between gating the whole thing or just the archives.
This private diary became the commodity I never wanted it to become. I took a break for a few weeks because I wanted to be perfect with how this imperfect storytelling haven would be packaged.
I changed the name several times.
And now I’m done with trying to micro-manage a journey that was supposed to be authentic and organic. Because I work with people who are too much in their heads that I forget that’s why they come to me. I was dubbed a brand whisperer a few years back because of my ability to speak your language without speaking it.
But in the midst of supporting others to be their imperfect and unapologetic self, I was disempowering my own voice.
I finally launched my podcast and it turned my inner world upside down again because now I see the potential for leading with integrity. Now I can visually see how my voice has impact.
Writing is one thing. Speaking is a whole other set of superpowers. And the beauty of it all is that I don’t have to choose between the two. I can have both. I can thrive with both. I don’t need to compromise one for the other.
I got caught up in the romancelandia drama on Twitter and scripted a podcast episode dishing about it. Not the beef, but what’s at stake when those kinds of conflicts arise on social.
I’m still learning where my voice is better suited in audible versus written form and as much as I want to record that rant for the podcast, I might curb it and keep it as an article.
Because with a voice comes responsibility and, now more than ever, the shelf life of our musings lasts longer than one would imagine.
Freedom is one of my core values. Freedom also means creative expression and having the space to speak however one wants. If at any point my musings don’t resonate or conflict with your own values, I won’t get upset if you bounce.
I write so that the disposable version of me feels less insignificant. I write so that my inner hot mess knows that mess is just “my emotional self scared.” I write so that I can work through whatever therapy bypasses.
And I write because someone needs to hear me vocalize my inner chatter and if that person is NOT you, that’s OK.
At some point, I will get into writing my first non-business book and these musings are practice for when I’m ready to go big. 😉