The Problem With WIIFM
Being "OF" Service vs Being "IN" Service
I’m in a limbo state of mind.
Between retiring what I’ve known to be true and embodying a version that is more aligned with who I want to be, it’s hard to totally let go of what has demonstrated results.
Sales, marketing, and persuasion have roots in manipulation. I teach it and do my best to apply a nuanced approach so that I am not regurgitating toxic principles. It’s hard enough when my students look to Elon Musk as a leader to emulate and I have to help them unpack that bullshit. I straddle a murky line of empowering them to apply critical thinking while also explaining how they’ve been lied to all this time. This is easier to do with adults and yes, I’ve had to have these conversations with people who should absolutely know better.
When I think of growth and healing, the “what’s in it for me” conversation is harder to have, whether that’s with someone else or internally. If we don’t feel our own self-worth, it’s hard to believe we deserve better. However, we absolutely can have that conversation when it’s time to talk about what we want from others.
It’s almost as if we were conditioned to exist from the “takers” perspective where entitlement is the default setting.
With businesses, it’s all about “what do I get from purchasing this?” or “what are you giving me that I want and need?” It’s not about the business. It’s about our own self-interest.
With relationships, it’s about “what are you giving me?” or “how are you filling a void I have?” It’s not about reciprocity. It’s about our own self-interest.
We throw in concepts of boundaries as a way to create a barrier - sometimes for self-preservation. The idea of a boundary is to create a perimeter that you don’t want breached.
The grey area with all of this is that community requires a shift in expectations. We can’t be individualistic and community-centric at the same time. Ego does not serve the collective - that’s not in it’s nature.
As someone who is learning to embrace the other side, there’s a lot of unpacking to be done that calls for being uncomfortable with the things that we work hard to avoid. Whether that’s confrontation of one’s self or others, growth only happens when we are able to address the challenges that keep us stuck.
Habits and patterns that allow us to stay safe, while they may keep us safe, they don’t allow for growth.
The unknown is full of adventures and surprises with moments of fear and anxiety. It is also a place of emotional fulfillment and resiliency with opportunities to shine and thrive.
So when I hear “what’s in it for me” I can’t help but cringe at the idea that my existence is designed exclusively for your benefit.
It’s one thing to be of service. It’s another thing to be in service. One allows for reciprocity while the other reeks of exploitation.
Discerning which one is which takes practice. And I say this as someone with a lifelong track record as a pendeja. When boundaries feel like a prison, it’s easy to get swept up in the chaos of people pleasing to where your identity is tethered to the level of joy others have with your labor.
I’m hoping to break through those blocks so that I don’t continue to fall into the trap of expecting myself to only have worth when it’s convenient to others. This also applies to how others expect me to show up in their lives.
Because my presence needs to meet my own needs first before they can accommodate yours.