Time To Move On
It's Not a Good-Bye. It's a Recalibration of Purpose.
I’m making my way out and leaving a trail of cookie crumbs and melatonin in the wake of my swift departure.
Leaving a job is never easy unless the leaving becomes your saving grace and the only chance you have at recalibrating your central nervous system. In reflecting on where I went wrong, I realized that I was never positioned for success. The disconnect with my role, work ethic, and desire to be of service never aligned with a sustainable model of work. For a long time, I felt like I carried the weight of my program by myself because I lacked the proper boundaries to put barriers between my altruism and other people’s sense of entitlement.
I love working with my students. What I didn’t love was being made to feel like I was doing too much for them while my immediate circle of compliant low achievers were allowed to thrive at a sub-level standard of work.
I was doing too much while they weren’t doing enough.
When I received a promotion, there was an expectation that I would work closely with my direct supervisor to the point where I started to wonder why I was bearing the brunt of the work while not receiving the compensation or title?
I know that most of the working world is full of managers who create conditions for those below them to do most of the heavy lifting. However, just because it’s “how it’s always done” that doesn’t mean I need to make that my long-term reality.
My emotional and mental health have been trash for a while but because I learned to suck it up, I ignored my own internal cries for a break. In many ways, we’re conditioned to neglect our own needs for the sake of accommodating others. We prescribe value based on our own output and when that is compromised, we feel guilt for not living up to the unrealistic expectations we allowed others to impose on us.
I’m about to jump from one job to the next and yet I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing my wellness with the leap. I’m teaching students about passion and realized I needed a refresher myself.
When you are working from a place of passion…it shows.
Also, working with others who are passionate about their own impact helps to ease the burden of emotional overwhelm when things get to be too much.
I’ve felt like I was carrying the weight of 5 people only to realize that people don’t want to burden of accountability. Results are great but they come at a cost. I couldn’t figure out why I struggled so much with being the weight bearer for others until I recognized that I don’t prioritize harmony or acceptance.
I stake my reputation on impact.
Have I given everything I had to help empower the students I chose to work for?
Have I shown up with authenticity and audacity, modeling the same courage and bravery that comes with self-acceptance?
I move to the other side, knowing that I bring a strong sense of direction so that I can activate a different level of advocacy for a community that needs our loyalty.
It’s not a good-bye.
It’s recalibration of purpose.