Unlocking My Villain Era
I've Come to Realize The Power in My Rage
I've unlocked my villain era.
I mentioned this to a few people and no one tried to stop me. No one offered an alternative. In many ways, there was a sense of relief in their response.
I used to think that being unlikeable would be my downfall when it's actually my authenticity that has maligned the wrong people to my space.
So much brainpower is spent on convincing people to accommodate others who don't have their best interest at heart that we fail to hold people accountable for creating untenable conditions.
I've been changing, more so the last year. This job has radicalized things about me that I was content ignoring and now this election has unlocked an audacity in me that is ready to burn shit to the ground...figuratively speaking of course - because I'm not that dense.
I'm about to do an email purge and I'm currently fixated on developing a business model that can thrive without social media. My echo chamber is about to get louder because the only voice that will be audible is my own.
I understand we all lie to hide truths and I'm willing to play the game if it means advancing my own interests.
However, I don't like fake people.
There are the ones who blatantly lie in your face and the ones who pretend to be someone they think they need to be in order to fleece you of your hard earned coins.
I lost followers/subscribers when I spoke out against the bullshit of being self-made. I was never a "love and light" kind of person. I don't throw up IG captions to show solidarity.
True alliances is demonstrated in meaningful acts of service, not as an expression of lip service with strangers online.
There is no other great act of loyalty than casting your vote for people who are positioning themselves to lead a global community.
Maybe I wasn't assertive enough about this but Latinos are not a voting block. They're an amalgamation of crabs in bucket, fighting their way to the top regardless of how much sabotage is needed to succeed.
The ease that many of my ethnic comeierdas are able to use this week to center their capitalistic ambitions should tell you everything you need to know about what it means to be in community with people who are only communal when it benefits them.
I have always struggled with building community. I know a lot of people but can count on maybe two hands who I would consider a genuine friend. I've always had a visceral response to thought leaders saying I needed to build community to thrive with my hustle. I couldn't understand why until this past week.
I'm writing this as Gladiator is playing in the background. The similarities are not lost on me.
We don't want leaders. We follow individuals who feel entitled to the spoils of our labor. We worship anger and rage because we're a traumatized world and abuse is that familiar hug that keeps us feeling protected even when we logically know it's bullshit.
The duality of my daily lived experience is such that I get to observe the collective society while juxtaposing that with the insular view of working in a transfer high school.
In both worlds, there are leaders who command respect but don't get the recognition for their sacrifice.
There are also leaders who feel entitled to that same respect without putting in the sweat equity to earn it.
Maybe things will be different in the next few weeks. Maybe this is how it will always be. There is one X factor in chaos and that is our decision to embolden it through acceptance or resist it. I'm still waiting to fully embody the resistance leader persona.
I feel like my storytelling voice is there but I need my emotional center to completely die in order to resurrect as the angry phoenix that is ansy within my spirit.