Unlocking My Villainess Chapter
Leveraging Anger For Purpose
I got some new tattoos and a piercing. I’ve been itching to transform my presence in the world and while the rebrand slowly moves along, I felt a compelling urge to change how I look.
After what was the most emotionally and mentally exhausting two weeks, I was ready to celebrate my solar return in solitude. I love my job, the students I serve, and most of the people I work with, however I don’t love everyone. I almost gave up the 10 plus years of healing and therapy to meet cancerous and petty individuals where they’re at.
I allowed strangers to unlock my inner villainess and while she won’t go back into Pandora’s box, she will be allowed to participate in this chapter of my life under some strict limitations.
I’m in a mood and it might be to serve my greater good. In many ways I perfected the role of pendeja and there’s only so many times I can complain about being played before I have to recognize how I am also responsible for my self-exploitation.
This new birthday brought on so many revelations. In the past I would second guess my life choices and whether I would ever live up to the expectations I felt was required of me. Now, I second guess my self-worth and whether I am talking the talk about empowerment.
How could I advocate for others to realize their potential when I am stunting my own growth?
My tattoos are not random. They are symbols of lessons I need to constant remember for myself.
The crown represents my empress self, as it’s held up by an infinity symbol - to remind me that I am always co-creating myself.
The eye anchored by a moon represents my intuition and how I need to trust myself when it comes to reading people. I never trust my judgement when it comes to people because I tend to think everyone is good…and they are. But actions speak louder than words and intention is not the same as impact.
The heart with arrow is a reminder that I need to navigate life with a broken heart until I break the pattern of putting myself in situations where I ignore reality for the fantasy in my head.
My next tattoo is Medusa with the body of a mermaid. I’ve been resonating with her energy a lot lately and while I can say it’s because I also feel misunderstood, I don’t want to trivialize her origin story. In many ways, I wonder if my presence also repulses men so I feel a kinship with what she represents to those who don’t know better.
My voice is changing and I don’t want to say evolving because it often feels like a return to my roots. I haven’t been genuinely angry in a long time and maybe that’s the vibe that was missing from my life.