We Teach What We Most Need to Learn
Giving Yourself Permission to Unravel
I don’t feel like crying as much as I used to and I can probably thank my psychiatrist and the Prozac for that.
My moods are manageable. My energy, although chaotic, is under control. The breakdowns that would help me breakthrough are just slight inconveniences of the mind. I don’t get emotionally overwhelmed over nothing, but then again my solitude should not be considered nothing.
I’m good at what I do…really good, and that’s not my bravado speaking. There’s a freedom that comes with speaking unapologetically to people who need your guidance and wisdom. Being left unsupervised is how I shine and being allowed to honor my authenticity is how I thrive.
I plant the seeds of confidence. I empower originality. I cultivate storytelling. I engage inquisitive minds.
I’m not a teacher. I’m a holistic enabler of radical self-expression.
Through this chapter, I am rediscovering what it means to live with integrity, purpose, and ambition. The way my professional trajectory serves as a mirror for life is both empowering and disappointing. On one hand, I can transmute pain into teachable moments and also I get to confront the ways I’ve not lived up to expectations.
We all go at our own pace and I do my best to remember that. Some days I am compassionate with my insecurities. Other days I am judgmental of how I am still well behind the curve.
My birthday is coming up and I still have moments where I feel like I am not young enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, submissive enough, smart enough, or likable enough to warrant the attention that could ease chronic loneliness.
I am grateful for another year around the sun even when so much of my life is lived hidden in the shadows.
I am in a retrograde season because while my life is moving forward, my thinking appears to be going backwards.
The mental illusion of reflection gives the impression that I am gaining wisdom when the reality is more like I am simply wasting time.
Hopefully, this is the week where clarity becomes so bright I’ll have no choice but to notice what is right in front of me instead of chasing a fantasy that will never become my reality.