Will It Always Be Like This?
I'm Not a Tree...I Can Always Move
I've spent every day these past 2 weeks with my BFF's words on loop in my ear as I navigate a workplace that is not built to thrive.
"It's not going to get any better." she reiterated to me since as early as January of this year, barely a month into my new gig.
I've hesitated to call her to complain about how I'm battling with a mediocre crew and all I can hear is her saying "I told you so" with the bluntness of a stoic Capricorn.
The start of the school year had me realizing that there are not enough hours in the day to be effective in my work capacity and now I'm swallowing a heavy pill that taste like defeat with the realization that it will always be like this...if I stay.
Saying so much by reciting so little is the theme of this school year, at work and with my graduate program.
I don't feel like I'm juggling. I feel like I'm choosing which balls to intentionally drop everyday and hoping I have enough grace for myself to appreciate the how I'm bad at sustaining perfection.
Once you know better, you can't return to "ignorance is bliss-landia." Insight is both a blessing and curse when it comes to growth and healing. Therapy has shaped how I accept challenges so when I say "I'm too old for this shit" it comes from a place of awakening.
I love what I do and I'm emotionally invested in how I create impact for the people who need it the most.
I just have to decide if my purpose needs to come at the expense of my emotional well-being.
This full moon in Aries is reminding us to embody the warrior that carries the burden of authority.
We have the power to own who we want to be but only if we embrace the leadership potential that we possess - no matter how well we hide it.
For this full moon, spend some time acknowledging how you are impatient.
What are you in a rush to accomplish and when did you learn to rush your process?
We're in an interesting evolved iteration of social chaos. It feels disingenuous to pitch tired advice of how to monetize your passion. I'm not in that headspace anymore but I do have the battle scars to show for my unrelenting hustle in the pursuit of I don't even know what.
Maybe the ways we produce or perform, depending on how you look at it, is about how we recalibrate the vision we have about who we are meant to be.
So much of the work I do with teenagers is grounded in the belief that everyone deserves to be seen for who they authentically are and not as some manufactured version of a human who's unmarred by the constraints of capitalism.
I'm often conflicted with how I prepare the kids for the real world because their blind optimism is endearing and yet I still want the blow of reality to be compassionate.
In order to emerge as a blossoming butterfly, we have to surrender the identity that weighs down our transformation.
This full moon in Aries during Libra season is the juxtaposition of harmony and assertiveness.
How are you honoring your peace without compromising your personal power?
Use this weekend to acknowledge how you can come full circle with your victories while also celebrating the shots you don't make.