You Say Indecisive Like It's a Bad Thing
Life is Full of Conflicting Truths
I am watching the DNC and thinking about how I need to reassess my wellness journey. School starts up in 2 weeks and I seriously need a bump in my Prozac, if I am going to make it a full academic year.
I also need an emotional exorcism where I purge all childhood bullshit from my system so I can figure out a way to live life without breaking my own heart.
Therapy has a funny way of bringing hidden wounds to the surface.
The ways I’ve been recreating my abandonment with the choice of guys I sacrifice my emotional health for needs to get workshopped by love experts. All this time I thought myself to be exempt from daddy issues and like the delusional Pisces that I am, that too was a lie.
I’m watching the DNC and it’s taking me somewhere mentally. I miss having intellectual conversations. I don’t get any of that at my current job. I miss dressing up and wearing makeup. I wake up way too early to get super cute. I miss being informed. I’m too wrapped up in my duties to check social media during the day. Not to mention, the DOE Wifi blocks it.
Maybe we’re watching different things. I don’t see speeches. I see stories of support. I see a community uplifting their chosen leader. I see strong imprints leaving powerful impressions on those closest to them as well as strangers. I see personalities advocating for a shared vision.
I don’t want to go back, ironically, but I do want to bring some of who I was to meet who I am becoming. It’s been almost a year since I started working in the Bronx, a direct result of an emotional breakdown that had me questioning my purpose on this planet.
I’m in such a different and more honest place. Gratitude doesn’t begin to describe it and yet I still seek more. Settling for “enough” is not the vision I have for myself and it’s probably why I’m so drawn to watching the DNC.
I have two weeks to recharge my mojo so that I have the emotional, mental, and physical stamina to go the distance required for being successful at my job and yet, I can’t help but wonder if this is what I want to do for another year?
I resent the word indecisive.
There’s nothing wrong with checking in with yourself to see if you are where you want to be. Life is short and I don’t get to redo this chapter of my life.
Watching Pink sing with her daughter. Seeing Gabby talk so freely. Even the Chicks brought me back to my 20s. People evolve and accomplish life milestones and I’m over here still trying to figure out when my real life is set to begin. I don’t want to make too many big moves during a Mercury Retrograde transit but I am taking notes with this Virgo energy so that I am not getting complacent with my own mediocrity.
to be continued…